I have had a number of dreams about falling into the very centre of the universe, the zero point where it all started.   There I would find a singularity, a totally black dot that no one alive can penetrate, only ghosts and spirits.
 

Yet though I feel I should hit a barrier, I somehow pass through, insubstantial, and find myself in total blackness but with the sense I am orbiting something vast.  Until recently, I had no clear sense of what this might be.
 

Lately, I have started to feel this vast something has dimension and shape.   It is the form of some complex and intricate knot tightly wound together and impossible to untangle.
 

This vision has developed as I have started to spend more time talking to people I know, time I now have since my retirement.   To my surprise and dismay, each person I have talked to gives hints that such a tightly wound complex knot exists at the heart of their own being, made up of guilt, frustration and inadequacy.   When I try to put my fingers into the knot to untangle it I find they can get no purchase.  My fingers are too thick, my words too clumsy.  When I touch this knot and find myself helpless to loosen its bonds around the heart and mind of my companion, I feel totally helpless.   I experience a deep pain that humans have been so twisted by their experience that they are now in a jail of their own making, a jail from which I cannot free them, from which they alone can devise an escape and but do not know how to do.   I feel like I am in another dimension and cannot pass through to them the simple key or message that will decomplexify everything.
 

In my dream, now I sometimes see a blinding flash of light and I hear its voice speak to me in colours, shapes, sounds and words; I see the knot at the centre of the universe untie itself and send its suddenly loose and lengthening strings outward and I am enfolded in peace with a sense of infinite security and wisdom.  
 

Yet when I awake all I can say sounds like a cliché; the words without their colours, shapes and sounds are all surface and their meaning is as slippery as fish.  “Sex is not love.   Do no harm.   You are responsible for the fate of creation.”
 

Awake, I alternate between a sense of urgency that I must do something NOW and a feeling of complete indifference, that there is in fact nothing I CAN do that will make the slightest change in reality.
 

Meanwhile, I struggle with the knot in myself and the knots I find in others.   And perhaps that is all I can do, whether this struggle is hopeless or not.  The struggle itself is living.  What keeps the struggle alive is faith.   Perhaps this is the simplest arrow I can send into the heart of that complex darkness.